Breaking Free From Vices: How High-Performing Men Can Build Intentional Lives

In this powerful episode of The Nathan Newberry Show, coach Dennis Gasimov shares his journey from struggling with personal vices to building a high-performance lifestyle. Dennis reveals practical strategies that help men overcome addictive behaviors, establish healthy rhythms, and create intentional lives that impact generations.

From Personal Struggle to Transformational Coach

Dennis Gasimov's story begins with his family's immigration from the former Soviet Union to the Bay Area in the 1990s. After pursuing a business degree and answering a call to ministry, Dennis quickly discovered that living in the Bay Area required more financial resources than his ministry position could provide.

This led him to launch an Amazon FBA business, purchasing products from China and reselling them in the U.S. However, as many entrepreneurs experience, the initially promising margins of 35-40% gradually eroded with the addition of advertising costs and returns.

The pivotal transformation in Dennis's career came when he transitioned from e-commerce to coaching—specifically helping men overcome vices and destructive patterns:

"I help men overcome vices and specifically pornography and lust... I help men overcome their limiting beliefs, uncover their root cause, work on their mindset, and establish healthy rhythms to create a life that's so good that porn or any other vice seems like a chore."

This focus wasn't chosen randomly. Dennis himself struggled with pornography for 17 years before finding freedom. Despite being a disciplined achiever in many areas of life—married for 10 years with four children—this particular challenge persisted despite traditional approaches to overcoming it:

"I was doing all the things that you were supposed to do, right? In the Christian world, you know, read your Bible, pray, fast, just be super disciplined... I just kept doing the same inputs, but the outputs weren't changing."

His breakthrough came when he began addressing deeper issues: unmet desires, limiting beliefs, identity issues, and establishing healthier life rhythms instead of pursuing achievement at all costs.

Understanding the Root Causes of Vices

One of the most valuable insights Dennis shares is how high-achieving men often struggle with vices as a way to cope with emotional regulation problems. While most men don't understand why they keep returning to destructive behaviors, Dennis identifies several common patterns:

Emotional Regulation and Unmet Desires

"The common component is that men kind of know why they're doing it, but they don't know how to actually deal with that emotion. They have thoughts, the thoughts lead to emotions, emotions lead to actions."

Dennis explains that high performers often turn to vices to satisfy unmet desires:

• Adventure: When life feels predictable or boring
• Companionship: When experiencing loneliness
• Peace: When overwhelmed by stress

The Battleground of the Mind

For high achievers, negative thought patterns often trigger the cycle:

• "I'm behind"
• "I should be further in life"
• "Others are achieving more than me"

These thoughts create overwhelming feelings that men typically don't know how to process. Instead of addressing the emotions, they seek quick relief through vices—whether pornography, alcohol, or other addictive behaviors.

Dennis points out that these patterns typically develop in teenage years as coping mechanisms, but what once helped them navigate difficult emotions now destroys the life they're trying to build.

Breaking Subconscious Habits

Breaking free from vices is particularly challenging because they've become subconscious habits—routines that the mind created to avoid having to think.

"What are habits? Habits are routines that our mind has created for us not to have to think. So oftentimes this is just subconscious thoughts that are happening and habits that are coming into play."

Dennis works with men of all ages—some who have been entrenched in pornography for 20-30 years—to identify and change these deeply ingrained patterns.

Creating a High-Performance, Vice-Free Lifestyle

The transformation from vice-dependent to high-performing begins with establishing intentional rhythms and practices. Dennis shares several key strategies that have worked for both himself and his clients:

Auditing Your Life

The first step is a comprehensive life audit:

• Examining your calendar
• Assessing work-life balance
• Identifying unmet desires
• Evaluating relationships with spouse and children
• Analyzing your schedule and stress points

"You got to sit down and audit your life and ask yourself, you know, the question, 'How's my week? Do I have any time for hobbies? Do I have a downtime where I'm just relaxing? Do I have a time where I celebrate? Do I take a day off?'"

Establishing Daily Rhythms

Dennis's personal routine illustrates the power of intentional daily practices:

1. Evening preparation: Planning the next day hour-by-hour, placing a glass of water by the bed, reading before sleep
2. Morning routine starting at 5:30am:
• Watching a "mind movie" of future goals and aspirations
• Hydrating immediately
• Quick exercise
• Bible reading and personal development (10 minutes)
• 90 minutes of deep work on the most important task
3. Boundaries for evening rejuvenation:
• No phone use after 5pm
• No social media or text messages
• Complete unplugging to ensure proper rest

Creating Family Rhythms

Dennis emphasizes that high performance extends beyond work to family life:

• Weekly date nights: Every Thursday from 3-5pm while his mother teaches the children piano
• Family Shabbat: Friday evening ritual with a special meal, family mantra, and activities
• Sabbath day: Saturday dedicated to rest and rejuvenation through activities he enjoys
• Regular one-on-one time: Rotating 30-minute dates with each of his children
• Weekly family meeting: 15-30 minute "business meeting" with his wife to review wins, parenting needs, household management, and progress on yearly goals
• Annual planning retreats: Two-night getaway with his wife in December to recap the year and set vision for the next

These rhythms create the foundation for a life where vices have no place because authentic needs are being met in healthy ways.

The Power of Journaling

One tool Dennis consistently recommends is journaling—despite initial resistance from many of the men he coaches:

"When I tell guys to start journaling, they're kind of like laughing, like 'haha, Dennis, really? Is this going to help?' And then I ask about a month in, two months in, 'What's been the most helpful in this program?' And they say by far the journaling."

Journaling helps process thoughts and emotions, creating awareness of what's happening internally. This awareness becomes the foundation for change, helping men identify patterns before they lead to destructive behaviors.

The Freedom and Impact of an Intentional Life

The transformation Dennis describes extends far beyond simply stopping a behavior. The freedom created through this intentional approach to life manifests in multiple dimensions:

Personal Freedom

• Mental clarity: No more brain fog or distracted thinking
• Emotional stability: Being able to regulate emotions in healthy ways
• Present-moment awareness: Enjoying nature, relationships, and experiences fully
• Pride in achievement: Ending each day with satisfaction rather than shame

Relational Freedom

• Authentic connection with spouse: "Being able to look at my wife's eyes, look her into the eyes and say that she's the only one that my eyes and my heart are for"
• Patience with children: Not snapping in anger due to unprocessed stress
• Emotional vulnerability: Being able to go deeper in conversations without fear
• Genuine intimacy: Building emotional and intellectual connection that leads to fulfilling physical intimacy

Legacy Impact

Dennis's ultimate vision extends beyond individual transformation to generational impact:

"My big goal the next few years is to help a thousand men one-on-one literally recreate their life, a life that they're proud of... And the big, big reason is I heard so many times on call after call... that there's generational sins, man, like 'my dad passed this on to me... my parents passed this on to me.' And so they want to break that curse, and I want to be there with them helping them to make generational impact, not just for their family but generations to come."

Conclusion: Becoming an Intentional Man

Dennis summarizes his philosophy with a powerful call to action for all men:

"You got to live as an intentional man. When you make that decision, say, 'You know what? I'm taking ownership for my life. I'm not going to be the victim anymore. I don't care what my background was, I'm going to keep going.'"

He outlines a three-step process for creating this intentional life:

1. Uncover your identity: Understand your calling, purpose, mindset, emotions, and heart
2. Walk in integrity: Do what you say you're going to do
3. Make an impact: The influence you desire will naturally flow from the foundation of identity and integrity

This approach creates a life where vices lose their power because you're actively building something better—a life of meaning, connection, and legacy that's "so good that porn or any other vice seems like a chore."